Recover From Pain:  Learn From Mistakes

You made a mistake.  Does that mean you need to walk around calling yourself names and reminding yourself over and over how you screwed up?  “I’m a failure.  I never learn.  I’m a screw-up.  I’m so insensitive.  I’m a jerk.  I’m unloveable.  No one really wants to be with me.”  Instead, let’s recover from past hurts and stop beating ourselves up!

Imagine walking by your neighbors house and witnessing her try to kick herself in the front yard.  Who does that?  Don’t you think it would hurt?  Doesn’t it seem counterintuitive to cause yourself pain?

Ruminating vs. Reflecting

This is what we do when we ruminate on the past instead of reflect and move forward.  Ruminating is like playing a record over and over, replaying a painful event.  This way of living increases anxiety, depression, lowers self confidence and does nothing to help you heal and move forward.

Follow these steps to let go of past hurts and regain your happiness.  As you take each step you’ll discover how to treat yourself with more love.  Yes, I know, the word love is pretty cheesy for some of you.  I understand, but love is proven to heal.

  1. Acknowledge your mistake but don’t let it define you

Just because you messed up doesn’t mean you’re a loser, a bad parent/friend or spouse.  It doesn’t mean you’re unreliable, disorganized or unthoughtful.  Your mistake isn’t you.  Separate you from your behaviour.  Your value never changes.  You are always worthy of love.  You have the power to change your behaviour at any given moment.

  1. Identify the lesson hidden in your mistake

This is your opportunity for personal growth.  Think of mistakes as learning opportunities.  Every mistake you make has the potential to refine and beautify you, just as gold is refined in a fire.  What knowledge, resources and/or wisdom have you gained that will help you in the future?

  1. Practice Positive Self Reflection

This involves focusing on concrete aspects of the situation and improvements you can make.  Typically verbal reflection with one other person is found to be more helpful than only written reflection.  Focus on what really happened.  What can be proven?  What action (mental or physical) can you take moving forward to improve your situation or relationship?

Handling failure without obsessive thoughts taking over takes practice and habit.  It’s an act of treating yourself kindly.

Beating yourself up for your mistakes will only deplete you of energy and confidence. 

It’s almost impossible to learn from the past while you beat yourself up because of something you did.  Free yourself of unnecessary pain by giving yourself a break!

When we make mistakes we grow.  The next time you encounter the same or similar problem take hold of your new found wisdom and fresh perspective.  And hey, be gentle on yourself!

Amy Englemark teaches strategies to Boost Health, Wealth and Free Time to Entrepreneurs, Community and Business Leaders.  Get Amy’s 3 Step System to Boost your Time and Productivity at: . For Proven Tools to zap stress, free up your time and boost your income, Like Amy Englemark Coaching on Facebook and Follow her on LinkedIn at: Amy Englemark.

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