How To Find Freedom From Insecurity
She sits across from me. So beautiful in her vulnerability.
She has been busy, working hard, helping for so long. Her helping patients in her private practice, patients at home, patients in the hospital, sometimes makes her feel tired.
When she is too tired to think and the cobwebs start creeping in, she becomes more concerned with how others might be viewing her, were she might be lacking. Deliveries in the middle of the night. Rounds at the hospital for people who have no one else. Some of them won’t be getting better. Could she be doing more for them?
Meanwhile her children and husband are waiting at home. She feels the guilt pulling at her heart. She knows that if she can block them out, she’ll be able to focus and be present. Better do it quick before self loathing creeps in…
When she thinks about carving out time for herself, insecurity rises. What will my colleagues think? Will they cover for me but secretly think I’m irresponsible? Will my patients get the care they need? What decision can I make that others will approve of?
If I don’t make this switch, I’ll burn out. I haven’t tasted “rejuvenation” for way too long!
The ‘shoulds’ she imposes on herself push down on her body and mind. They make it hard for her to relax. A good family Doctor should always be willing to do the ‘extra’ work. A good mom is always available for her kids. A good wife doesn’t entertain any negative thoughts about her husband.
Can you imagine? If these expectations aren’t met, you might feel a little insecure too!
She starts to discover something, Someone from way back when she was little.
She starts to feel love wash in over her bones, over her fears, over her mind.
In the past she had gained security from her friendships, from the current state of her marriage. Kind of felt like a rocky way to live, depending on the feelings of others, so unstable.
Her relationship with God starts to grow. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
What used to be the big issues are now seeming small. I’m just as busy now but I don’t resent my responsibilities. I’m feeling more grounded, more comfortable with my decisions, less worried about what people might think.
She opened her heart to receive all the Love that wanted to flood in. The switch happened!! Life with God IS security. The opposite is also true. This brings an ability to relax, a natural love and compassion for others. Her feelings of rejection, her need to please, is slipping away.
That woman, that beautiful woman has had her heart reconstructed, all because she was willing. She is open. I’m so thankful to be a part of her transformation. To walk with her through the cobwebs and the gnawing that happens in the dark places. So thankful to share in the dazzling, bright light, eye opening times during our coaching sessions.
So thankful for the people I work with.