Are You Successful And Unhappy? How To Beat The Blues
It was 10am on a weekday in October. The beauty of Autumn shone through the meeting room windows after I delivered my presentation. My topic, “Healthy Hacks For People Who Don’t Have Time” had caught the attention of someone in the audience. He seemed accomplished and successful on the outside, dressed so well with a smile on his face. Little did I know how unhappy he was.
He shook my hand and asked me to sit down with him. My body hadn’t touched the seat before he started sharing how he had poured his life into creating business success. His efforts had paid off. He was passionate about his work, making a lot of money, yet quite unhappy.
Why so unhappy?
One of the contributing factors to his lack of happiness was a tendency to lose focus.
This happened often because planning and managing time felt like a waste of time when there were more important things to do. Scattered and overwhelmed, he would often work late and be available to his colleagues at all hours. Without set times to strategize and prioritize, he was lacking the focus.
I soon discovered he also disliked conflict. He would say (or not say) and do things to keep the peace in his family life and at work. He was frustrated because his people pleasing efforts weren’t always paying off. Sometimes people were pleased by his decisions and other times not. On Tuesday his children liked him and on Friday they wouldn’t talk to him. He felt if others were happy with him he could accept himself and be happy also. Those are some pretty strict rules to meet in order to be happy!
You teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself…
He didn’t realize he was teaching others that he could be pushed and pulled at will to contort to their every need. He had actually created a trap for himself that was literally sucking the energy from his body. He wouldn’t set boundaries to take care of his energy and needs…treating himself less than everyone else around him.
His health wasn’t in a good place.
He’d gained weight, wasn’t working out much at all. He had gotten into the habit of wake early, start work right away. Get home from work, keep working, fall asleep exhausted in bed.
Prioritizing work and clients needs over everything else was impacting his romantic relationship.
He wanted to make time for that area of his life where he once felt fulfilled. The kicker was that when he took time off work, whether for an evening or a consistent day per week, he felt anxious. He had become addicted to work, looking to work as the main source for his happiness. Quality time with family and loved ones was what he craved but what he wouldn’t give himself.
Money is not the sole source of happiness, though true wealth has the ability to make you very happy.
How he found more happiness and beat the blues
We worked together for nearly 1.5 years. In that time we uncovered that the less he focused on his failures and how he’d let people down, the happier he was. The more he gave himself time to pursue adventure, have down time and play again, the more productive and energized he became.
His old beliefs about rest and self care being for the lazy, not so serious professional, started fading. What he once feared would happen (loss of success and judgement from others) didn’t seem to have a grip on him anymore.
His 3 and 5 year career goals became more clear and a plan was laid out. This in turn lifted his spirit because we measured his progress when he would meet milestones instead of focusing on everything still yet to do or everything not done perfectly in the past.
He started taking responsibility for career and personal mistakes instead of blaming and being resentful (which in the past held him back from being present). He stopped settling for lack of communication and an unhealthy work culture. Instead of assuming he knew what was going on, he started clarifying and stating boundaries.
Have you become successful and yet don’t feel as happy as you thought you would? I’d love to hear what’s missing for you. What do you think keeps you from having the happiness you’d like to enjoy daily? Please shoot me a message and share with me. I’d love to hear about it.
For more strategies to Boost Wealth, Health and Happiness visit www.amyenglemark.com. To contact Amy directly email coacha@amyenglemark.com.