One day I sat down for a client meeting. He starting telling me how he had held himself back from success.
He had developed a habit of avoiding the hard conversations within his team. He felt quite afraid that if he was clear and straightforward, he might lose his temper and people wouldn’t like him. For months he lived with false harmony amongst the team. He wasn’t proud of it. He hoped that not addressing the weaknesses and poor standards would give his team space to improve on their own.
Avoiding uncomfortable conversations stems from fear.
Mark wasn’t sure if he could trust himself, because of how he’d lost his temper in the past. Also, he didn’t feel he could trust his team. No one was being vulnerable and stepping up to the plate to talk about what was going on.
Mark began to feel extremely frustrated and irritated.
Instead of holding his team accountable, he started doing their work for them. Though certain tasks were part of his team’s duties, he decided to take on what was not his responsibility. “My company will lose momentum, possibly clients and definitely profit, if I don’t pick up the slack,” he thought. “I’ll just help for a little while. Just until they’re able to take on more,” he told me.
Mark learned a big lesson during that time.
Stop taking on other people’s responsibilities and start having more conversations. He also made a big mental switch. Instead of hating to be disliked, he decided he was ok if the team didn’t like him after he addressed what needed to be addressed.
Mark was right. The team didn’t necessarily like his new, direct approach but they were talking more. When given more responsibility, the team started to open up about their ideas and feelings.
Mark decided to take responsibility for himself instead of taking responsibility for other people’s jobs. This required him to trust instead of focusing on debilitating fears. He leveled up. He started regaining his energy and positive outlook on life.
Crucial conversations are worth having. You will grow, gain mutual understanding, productivity, engagement. As your confidence grows you’ll also see that you don’t need the approval of others to like yourself.
How Mark learned to communicate clearly and kindly
Vulnerability
He decided that as the leader, it was important for him to role model what he expected of his team. They could judge him or dislike him for being open and direct. He was still going to communicate about the tough stuff for the sake of his team’s health. He chose to believe he could be clear and kind at the same time.
Curiosity
He stopped believing the stories he was telling himself to be true about his team. Why they were late. Why they were disengaged. Why they wouldn’t collaborate. He decided to get curious and started asking more questions to find out the facts.
Humility
Instead of focusing on others faults, he had an honest look at himself. He owned the fact that he had been avoiding problems instead of addressing them. He was open about how he had assumed the narratives in his head were true without asking. He buddied up with humility and became someone who was safe to talk to.
Apply It To Your Life:
1. Identify a conversation you need to have.
2. Then, ask yourself these questions…
Why haven’t I had the conversation yet?
What will happen if I don’t take action?
What good could come if I have the conversation?
3. Have the conversation and practice to gain confidence
PS: Whenever you’re ready, here are 2 ways to help you increase your health, wealth and happiness…
For more strategies to Boost Wealth, Health and Happiness visit www.amyenglemark.com. To contact Amy directly email coacha@amyenglemark.com.