Anita’s Story (Part 1): Because Sometimes A Girl’s Gotta Talk
Anita’s story is one that many women can relate to. She came to me because she was feeling a lot of pressure from work, her children and other relationships. She didn’t like who she became under that pressure-an irritable, frustrated, cranky mom who felt like she was lacking tools to change her habits.
During our first coaching session she told me that her stress levels were higher when she was at home with her kids and husband. Her thoughts would start going downhill to a place that made her feel like she couldn’t cope with the demands.
She wasn’t enjoying her time with her family anymore.
Her ability to be happy and enjoy the moment was lost.
She wasn’t even enjoying her runs and didn’t feel much desire to make plans with her friends who she loved. She no longer felt she could juggle her job, plus being a wife, plus being a mom to three kids and two dogs. Frustrating!!
I was excited to help her and offered her steps to take right away. In our first coaching session we focused on identifying why she was acting in a way that she wasn’t proud of.
She didn’t like the thoughts she was dwelling on or how she treated those she loved most.
With some questioning on my part she came to the conclusion that she wasn’t showing her kids or husband respect. She realized that she expected to be loved and accepted no matter how she acted. Her family DID love her unconditionally but didn’t like being treated that way.
“Ok, time to change,” she thought. “Great!” I said. ” Let’s work together and create new habits for you so you can regain your sense of fun, joy and control over your response to stress.”
She was excited to get her old self back again, improve her family life and increase her productivity at work!! She was ready!
These are her goals we are tackling together:
- Be able to think, “No matter what the stress is, I can cope with it.”
- Get to the place where her mind is clear, focused and unmuddled by negative thoughts
- Communicate calmly and lovingly
- Develop an outlook like, “It’s all part of the journey”
- Be able to laugh often during difficult kid times (ie. on the way out the door to school)
- To focus more on love and respect in her marriage instead of pointing out the negative details
- Take the time to think before acting
- To not spend mental energy comparing herself to others
- Create simple, nourishing expectations for herself instead of unrealistic ones
- Taking time to think ahead and manage her time effectively
- Mold her mind to become open to problem solving
The first step Anita took was to get clear on what she expected of herself because I noticed she was expecting a lot from her family. When you have unrealistic expectations for yourself it’s pretty common to expect the same from others. This can easily create pressure and stress in your relationships!
I suggested she express what life feels like right now in a metaphor. She decided that life felt like walking a tight rope with her family. If she or someone else fell off the rope there was no second chances. There wasn’t much opportunity to work together if they were always trying to balance the heavy load. Living life “like a tight rope” left a lot of room for dissapointment.
She is now aware that she is just as fallable as anyone else and that she can’t always have control over what happens in life.
She adopted a new metaphor to help her and her family move forward together. “Life is like a dance.” In a dance performance you do your best in the group. If someone messes up, you help them (discreetly) to get back on track. You don’t let them stop you from dancing. You celebrate together. You reflect after each performance and make improvements for next time.
Her biggest take aways from our first coaching session together were that her relationships are so much more important to her than any little detail. She started taking more time to listen and engage with her kids and husband and is finding big improvements are taking place! One of her kids has stopped acting out and her productivity in regards to work has shot up!
YES!! That’s what I like to be a part of.
I’ll share what else I coached Anita through and what other changes are taking place in Part 2…
Much Love,
Amy