Excessive and prolonged work stress can make it very difficult for physicians to feel present and enjoy family life. After a mentally and emotionally exhausting shift, you’d think doctors could come home and get the rest they need, right?
In reality, they step through the door and their families need them, just as much as their patients do. According to a CMA, National Physicians Health Survey, 1 out of every 4 doctors suffers from burnout. Physicians need to give themselves permission to set boundaries (even be disrespected by colleagues and disliked by patients) so we can enjoy an efficient healthcare system in 2021.
No human can realistically be available 24/7 without hitting a wall.
With pressure to be present at work and pressure to be present at home, the demands can seem impossible to meet.
Recently, a physician told me, “I’ve been off for three days and I have labs that need my attention. In the back of her mind she was thinking, ‘What are the results of that patient that had the chest x-ray? Does the child I saw on Friday need to see the specialist or not?’
“How do I push those thoughts down so I can be present with my family when I’m technically off?” she asked.
My interpretation of her comment was, “How can I be a good doctor and a good parent at the same time?”
When you’re stretched to your limits and your reserves are low, it can be tempting to believe you can only offer quality patient care if you sacrifice personal happiness. The truth is, you can be present with your family and your patients with a few simple strategies.
Let’s analyze these proven strategies which have helped many physicians I’ve worked with over the years.
Redefine “good parent”
Measuring up to that perfect parent is nearly impossible. A good parent doesn’t have to spend hours with their children, say yes to everything the child wants or make elaborate, costly plans for fun.
Make it easy for yourself to feel like a good parent. Every time you take care of your own needs, listen to your child, play games with her, plan ahead for fun, you’re a good parent. Good parents don’t compare themselves to other parents in different professions.
Revamp your definition of success
Your old version of success may have sounded like this. “If people approve of me at work and as a parent, I know I’m successful. If I am always liked and my decisions are respected by my colleagues, I am successful. If my children always love me and my decisions, I’m successful.”
New definition (that’s realistic, attainable and boosts self esteem)
“I’m successful when I take action, rest, speak up about my needs, honor my limits, don’t give up, consider my spouses’ needs, etc.” You get the drift.
Practice disappointing the right people
Wondering through the clinic or unit you work in, you might be thinking, “What do my friends think of me as a parent? I’ve hardly been home all week. What will my colleagues think of me when I turn down work? Will they judge me?”
Practice caring more about the opinions of the people in your innermost circles. They are the people you’ll regret prioritizing when you look back at your life.
All or Something
Practice connecting with your kids and spouse in new creative ways, for different lengths of time. Adjust when your schedule changes. A little connection goes a long way!
Ask each family member when they feel most connected to you. The answer will reveal insights about each person and help you realize that being present can be easier than you thought.
Make a plan for work and schedule it
Still have labs that need your attention? No problem. Files, dictation and phone calls to be made don’t need to distract you from family time. The key is to give yourself 10 minutes of time to make a work plan for later so your brain can rest now. Research says 10 minutes of planning saves you an hour of time!
Boundary Rituals
Driving home from work, I want you to tell yourself, “I did a good job. I did enough for now. I choose to be present with my family now. Work can wait.” When you walk up to your front door and grab the door handle, say, “I am where my feet are.”
Being present shouldn’t feel so tough. Practice one of these habits to start feeling connected to your family today!
With Love,
Amy
Ready to Grow Personally?
Want to learn how to keep the bad things out (like unhealthy personal and relational habits) and let more of the good things into your life (like help, money, healthy relationships)? Join me for support in Boundaries 101. We started today, January 6th and meet weekly for 8 weeks. You’ll get recordings of all calls to listen while you walk, bike, run, drive or do the dishes! Email me to register TODAY 🙂
Grow your ideal practice and enjoy your best health (without feeling guilty or selfish). Coming up! “Thrive” monthly membership program. Contact me to get your name on the waitlist for this private physicians group. I’ll contact you as soon as I open for registration.
Email me at Coacha@amyenglemark.com