A client of mine is dealing with negative thought patterns. I’m helping her change those patterns so she doesn’t have to feel so frustrated anymore. Sometimes she get’s stuck in a cycle of ruminating over negative thoughts for days. This makes her feel overwhelmed, depressed and low.
Just recently she shared with me her frustration with her thoughts, how constant they were. At times she said she felt like she had no control over her thoughts.
My goal was to equip her with tools to create more positive thoughts when the negative ones dared to take over.
Her thoughts sounded like this:
“Your friends don’t REALLY care about you”
“You’re not that loveable”
“You’re not important”
They were dragging her and her self esteem down a long, dark tunnel that didn’t seem to have any light at the end. I showed her she could actually see the light at the end of her tunnel by asking herself some empowering questions. Instead of accepting her thoughts as the ultimate truth, she wrote down a few of the questions I gave her and posted them to remind herself.
Shift #1
One or more of these questions may help you to also change your thought patterns.
“What’s the ultimate truth?” (not the half truth or what the event seems to be pointing to)
“Is what I’m doing right now life-affirming?”
“What do I need to leave alone?”
“What are other possibilities?”
“What is the empowering interpretation?”
Shift #2
She had just recently started making time to be still and listen and has found it very helpful. I challenged her to continue setting aside specific time for meditation (or mindfulness).
Meditation offered her a place to let her shoulders down and give her mind a break. Meditating has been proven to ease stress. From personal experience, I know it really helps in finding a more objective perspective on your situation and a more loving perspective towards yourself.
Shift #3
Instead of reflecting on what happened, this client was rolling the negative thoughts over and over again in her mind. She didn’t know how to get off the merry-go-round and say, “I’ve had enough!” This is what ruminating can sound like.
“What did I do wrong?”
“Where am I lacking?”
“I’m so horrible for not keeping in better touch with these friends”
The next strategy I gave her was meant to combat the ruminating. We talked about the difference between ruminating and reflecting. Ruminating is when someone stews over past mistakes or hurts and focuses excessively on the emotions and blame surrounding the situation/relationship. Reflecting is when someone is open to learning from the past because they want to do/be better in the future.
She has been practicing reflection with her husband (one of the few people she trusts with her most personal feelings). She’s making progress and slowly enriching her relationships by being willing to be vulnerable.
Reflection has also been proven to lower stress, especially when you are reflecting outloud with someone else present. That other person can give you objective feedback that’s hard to find in your own brain!
One of my specialties is helping women who are busy, smart and motivated learn how to take charge of their personal lives and make huge personal growth happen for themselves! Rather than learning by themselves (or even with friends) how to create a more fulfilling, balanced life, they can step in this powerful community and start seeing changes fast!
If you want to learn how to create a life where you have time for the work AND people who matter to you, register NOW for my “Inner Strength” group coaching program that starts Sept. 15th!! I’m eager to help you, the successful woman, make yourself a priority!
With Love,
Amy Englemark
