Improving Communication For Couples

You think that stealing, cheating or lying are the only things that will get you in trouble?  Assuming you know what others are thinking or feeling can create more trouble!  If you want to improve communication in your relationships, avoid trying to read other people’s minds!

If you have no evidence of the truth, then it’s best to ask someone for feedback before coming to a conclusion for yourself.  Treat every assumption that you have as a mystery to be solved.  Maybe you guessed right and maybe you didn’t.  The only way for you to find out if your thoughts are true is to ask someone.

Your next step is to believe what they (your spouse, co-worker, child or friend) tell you or hold no belief at all until evidence appears.

Imagine the stress, anxiety, sadness or rejection that you could avoid if you checked out your interpretations first.  What if you came up with alternative interpretations of someone’s behavior?

A woman comes home from working all day and starts preparing dinner.   The kids start asking for attention and favors.  Her husband arrives home.  She asks him about his day and he fills her in.  He seems distracted and doesn’t ask her about her day. 

“Is this how our relationship will look from now on?” she thinks.  “It seems he’s falling out of love with me.  We’re becoming detached from one another.  Maybe I’m not attractive to him anymore.”  She feels sad and a bit unloved.  Consequently, she distances herself from her husband, engaging in conversations with the kids.

She finds our later that her husband had an especially challenging day at work.  Also, tomorrow was going to be jam packed and he needed to spend extra time preparing for that.  He simply was stuck in his thoughts.

Instead of making a quick judgement, like, “He’s becoming selfish,” “He’s just acting that way because he’s jealous of the free time I had today,” this woman could take the time to test and prove that her interpretation was accurate.

Mind readers believe that everyone feels and acts the same way they do.  Suprise, suprise!!  We’re all different.  Some people become offended or feel rejected easily.  Others don’t.  Some people express love via the spoken word or physical touch.  Some don’t.

Here are some suggestions for you when you feel drawn to reading others minds.  Tell yourself you’re going to check out your interpretaion first.  Ask yourself, “Do I have evidence?” or “What are the alternative interpretations?”  These questions should help you avoid uneccessary internal and relational stress.

With Love,

Amy