Cool Off! 5 Strategies To Regain Your Self Control
Keeping your cool while under pressure is a learned art. Whether the pressure you’re experiencing is due to work, parenting or personal relationships, you’re still in control of how you will respond.
When you’ve reached a certain level of anger or frustration, you might feel others deserve to be treated rudely, to be made to feel the way you do. At this point you might feel that you have no control over how you respond.
You do!! You always have control over your emotions and how you respond. Now, know that strength comes from exercising those self control muscles.
Anna (I’ve changed her name), one of my private clients would typically lose her self control or patience when she arrived home after work.
She had a difficult time transitioning from work to home without feeling anxious about work that wasn’t done. Inevitably she would speak impatiently with her kids and husband. She hated that she resorted to rudeness when she was stressed.
Anna and I worked on this area of her life so she could start enjoying more fun, quality time with her family. Here are the strategies I coached her through so she could use her self-control instead of losing it.
1) What triggered you to lose your patience?
Was it something someone said or didn’t say? Was it something unexpected that took you off guard? Understand your triggers and you’ll be one step closer to making a new habit.
2) What was your interpretation of the situation or words said?
You can change how you feel if you change your perception. It’s pretty common to assume you are lacking in some way due to what others have said. Maybe you feel you’ve been disrespected or that someone doesn’t love you as much as you’d like. Look at the situation or person through a few different lenses today. This helps you realize that not everthing is a personal assault.
3) How do you feel?
Get in touch with how you feel in that moment. If you feel angry, what’s the feeling beneath the anger? Keep peeling back the onion until you get to the root. This will help you become more self aware and in control.
4) Communicate
There’s a big power and release that comes from communicating your feelings. On the flip side, it’s easier to keep your feelings to yourself, though that keeps you trapped in your head. The problem with this is that issues get bottled up, which can lead to verbal explosions. What’s better, to face your fear of communicating (and what that might lead to) or continue to lose your patience/self control?
5) Be willing to listen
The other morning I was stuck in stress. My kids and I were folding the laundry together and I was being extra picky and no fun, really! My boys were goofing off, giggling and saying, “Oh SO stressed out!” The way I was choosing to behave was smeared across my face for everyone to see, including me.
Out of the mouths of babes.
Ever felt that it’s more comfortable, even enjoyable somehow, to wallow in anger, resentment or stress?
It’s better to listen to others who love you and get yourself out of the mire that entangles you than to wallow in the ‘somehow comfort’ that it brings.
Your people (kids, spouse, coworkers, boss, customers, patients) need you to know how to cool off. They need you to grow in your self control strength. Just think about the lives you will influence with your new choices xo
Come on in! Visit me over on my facebook page. Share life with me and be encouraged.
Love, Amy
