Ever wonder how some couples are able to keep their relationship strong even when life is mundane and stressful? They seem to possess this mysterious glue that keeps their relationship healthy and fulfilling despite unforeseen challenges and stressors.
Have you ever noticed that when you’ve had a particularly stressful day, your partner gets the brunt of your lack of self care? This creates fissures in relationships. You might be someone who expects your spouse to read your mind. Maybe you refrain from communicating because you’re afraid of conflict or making your spouse angry. Does speaking openly about your feelings and needs scare the crap out of you?! Maybe you’ve never learned to effectively communicate without judging the other person in the relationship so you don’t trust yourself.
Fear, Stress and Assumptions are a few of the enemies that create the “Great Divide” between spouses.
Relationships require both people to work. You need to work to strengthen your relationship and keep it that way…no matter what external pressures you’re experiencing. When you work, you need tools. Without tools, you’ll be limited in what you bring to the ‘relationship table.’ Here are tools that have helped my husband and I (and many other real-life couples) keep our relationship strong.
G = Go First. You need to put more of your energy into improving your weaknesses than you do trying to change your husband/wife/partner. You can’t make someone change. You DO have control on bettering yourself. Take your energy and focus and hold up the mirror for yourself. Choose humility over selfishness and determine to take action in the areas of your life that need work.
L = Let Go Of Control. Letting go of control requires you to learn how to trust. If you don’t think that letting go of control is a big issue for you, get your spouse to read this part! When you practice trusting you’ll be creating a habit that empowers you vs. acting from a place of fear.
U = Utilize Your Ears And Lips. When you listen to your spouse on a deeper level you’ll gain awareness about their needs and feelings that might have been unaware of. Assuming is never a good way to communicate! If you are a busy professional or maybe you run your own business, your work can become your primary passion which takes attention away from you know who! By listening on a deeper level and asking great questions to gain clarity, you’ll avoid unnecessary tension and hurt feelings.
E = Express Your Appreciation. Focusing on what’s going well rather than on where you feel your partner is lacking. This is the key to getting your needs met and building your partner up! When you were little and people told you what you did well or how much they appreciated some aspect of your character, you naturally wanted to do and be more of that! Not much has changed as you’ve become an adult. We feed off the praise and appreciation of others. We naturally want to do and be the type of people that make others happy. I know I’m walking a tight-rope when I say that. You don’t want to live to please others…that’s for another conversation.
In which of these areas do you need the most improvement. What needs and feelings have you not communicated yet that are top priorities for you? How will you show your appreciation for every way your partner IS meeting your needs?