Feeling Guilty? How To Be More Present
The phone is ringing, people around you are calling your name, the project you’re working on is waiting for you…EVERYTHING seems equally important and you feel inadequate in all departments. Feeling guilty yet?
This feeling of inadequacy, “not enough” originates in your thoughts and strips you of joy, passion and energy.
Untapped Opportunities
A few months ago I was coaching a dynamic, powerful business woman. She expressed how frustrated and unhappy she felt because she didn’t know how to be more present. She knew that once she learned how, she could take more time off and not worry. She could enjoy time with her kids and be available to them without worrying about incomplete work. She could stop caring about others expectations and more about her family. She could feel rested, not spread thin anymore.
Being present is a challenge, but it doesn’t have to be. Let me share with you 10 steps to help you get better at it.
Shake off the shoulds: No one, other than yourself, has the power to hold a “should” over your head. You are in complete control of how you spend your time and how fulfilled you feel from how you live your life. If you mainly listen to others and society about how you should live your life, you will be unhappy. Create your own ideal life and stop trying to measure up or look good on the outside.
Care less about expectations: Others will always expect you to give more to them if that’s how you’ve trained them. Your team will want more of you if you’ve been solving the problems that are their responsibility to solve. If you’re telling yourself that you’re not a good leader unless you’re always available, you’re heading towards burnout. If you’re telling yourself you’re not going to succeed unless you always give of your time, you’re making it hard for yourself to be present.
Deny the fears: Being present requires trust. Whether you believe it or not, being present demands that you take control of how you’re thinking. You may think bad things will happen in your absence but you don’t know that as a fact. Focusing on what you fear takes you away from being productive and enjoying the moment. Focus on the best possible outcome. This type of thought life promotes happiness which has been found to increase success.
Know your values: If you don’t, you’ll easily get lost in the maze of what’s important to others. Your values are the emotional states that Tony Robbins writes about in his book, “Awaken the Giant Within.” Having close family connections may make you feel secure. Making time for exercise may make you feel healthy. Making time for self education may make you feel like you’re always growing. What do you value most? When you honor your values you’ll feel more present and content in the moment.
Trust yourself: You may not be perfect yet but you have pretty good decision making skills in the moment. You can’t please everyone and that’s just fine. That would take a lifetime. You’ll have to choose what to let go of and move forward. The more often you trust yourself, the more confident you’ll feel about your ability. Play a success reel in your mind of how things have worked out well in the past. Relive the small achievements to build belief in yourself.
Prioritize: When you make time for what’s valuable to YOU, you may feel guilty. The only reason you feel guilty is because of your perspective on making yourself a priority. You are just as important as the people you care for and help. If you don’t take care of yourself, there will be negative consequences that will impact your family, your team, your income, your happiness. I could go on….
Stop looking over your shoulder: Second guessing yourself lowers self confidence and can even induce depression. Always wondering if you made the right choice won’t help you get better at honoring your needs and your priorities.
Plan Ahead: You know how fun it is to look forward to a vacation? The same goes for work. If you’re passionate about the work you do, you’ll want to do more of it. This can become a problem when you find your identity in work.
This is one of the biggest challenges I see in my coaching practice. People often don’t feel valuable if they’re not working. Plan ahead so you have time to play with your kids or grandkids. Plan ahead so you know when you will have time to complete important work tasks. Having balance makes you feel more grounded whether you’re at work or at home.
Communicate Plans: Everyone will be happier when they know what to expect of you and when. This decreases frustration and disappointment and improves mutual understanding. Communication will noticeably improve your family and work atmosphere. Once this is done, your mind can rest more easily.
What is your biggest challenge to being more present? What helps you feel good about how you spend your time? Share with me your thoughts…
For more strategies to Boost Wealth, Health and Happiness visit www.amyenglemark.com. To contact Amy directly email coacha@amyenglemark.com.