How To Have A Hard Conversation In 3 Steps
By Amy Englemark
Some conversations are downright uncomfortable!! The sad fact is, you and I can make the conversation MORE difficult before we even have it! Whether you need to talk to a family member, employee or team player, conflict can be scary, something we want to avoid. These steps will help you face conflict, get in action and make having the conversation a priority.
Choose Your Thoughts Wisely
When you are about to make that phone call or have that face to face conversation, choose a mindset that makes you feel confident and calm. Here is an example of a mindset that will make you want to procrastinate and put you in a state of fear:
“This is going to suck. They’re going to hate me. This is going to ruin the relationship/the work environment.”
Here is an example of a mindset that will empower you to take action:
“It’s only discomfort. Facing conflict leads to personal growth, closer relationships and deeper understanding. My needs/the company values are important and need to be expressed.”
Think ahead and plan:
The last thing you want to do is blame others or emotionally react and regret what you say. Before you jump in, mentally plan what you want to express, what your feelings and needs are. Think, “from my perspective…” instead of assuming you know everything that’s going on.
Avoid Worst Case Scenarios and Shoot ‘Em Up Replays:
You rarely will ever die simply because you are afraid or uncomfortable. When you allow fear to take root in your mind and replay the worst case scenario over and over, you get stuck in inaction. People world wide have dealt with worst case scenarios, been able to move on and have often been greatly benefited by the experience. Have you ever entertained the idea that the best case scenario might happen?
Once you take action on these three “inner” steps you can have the conversation and regain precious mental space and clarity. When we avoid that which we fear we are zapped of limited energy stores, we become distracted from high priority tasks and we entertain worry. Isn’t it time you made the move?