Have you ever wanted to say something but you felt like your only options were to suffer in silence or ruin a relationship or work opportunity? You’re not the only one. Let me tell you about Arlene.
The Struggle
Arlene had always had a challenging relationship with her brother. When they were growing up she would make her decisions to please him in hopes he would show her love and acceptance. She didn’t want him to disapprove of her.
Even when she would rather not listen to his advice or long winded stories of personal success, she decided to suck it up and be patient with him so as not to cause hard feelings. When they were in the same room she felt trapped, like she had no way out, like she was powerless to create the boundaries of space that would promote personal happiness.
Resentment Is A Clue
As time passed she realized she had grown quite angry and resentful towards him. She didn’t want to spend time with him anymore. She felt badly about not taking his calls but felt so pressured and emotionally triggered when she did that she knew she had to do something. That’s when she reached out to me.
The Decision That Changed Everything
She knew she had to stop tolerating certain things and start communicating her feelings and boundaries. She was struggling to pin point why it was so difficult for her, why she wanted to run away instead of face the problem.
The problem was that her habit of keeping others happy and never considering her own feelings was getting in the way of her feeling confident.
With a little investigation we nailed down the mindsets that were holding her back from communicating her feelings. Not surprisingly, we discovered these same ways of thinking were stopping her from coaching her employees to greater levels of productivity, which of course impacted her own income.
The Power of Mindsets
Here are the beliefs that kept Arlene stuck:
“I can’t express myself or others might not won’t want to spend time with me”
“If I’m clear I’m being rude”
“I can’t be happy unless others are happy”
Here are the beliefs she adopted to change how she felt, which improved her confidence as a communicator.
“It’s more important that I communicate what I need to rather than try to get everyone to like me”
“Clarity is kindness”
It’s ok for me to be happy even if others aren’t”
Arlene’s story is so common. People don’t communicate what needs to be said due to fear. They have believed the fears to be the truth and the fears have become the ruling mindset that impacts their decisions. Those decisions impact relationships, that impact your happiness and career success, and on and on and on.
No matter why you want to become a confident communicator, the first step is clear. Uncover the beliefs that make you procrastinate from having the life you’d like to be living.
What’s the biggest thing you fear when you think about saying something you’ve been procrastinating about? What could be possible if you learned skills to improve your confidence in the communication department?! It’s amazing to think of and I’d love to hear all about what you feel is possible! Check out the link above if you want to feel more confident and on track this year!
For more strategies to Boost Wealth, Health and Happiness visit www.amyenglemark.com. To contact Amy directly email coacha@amyenglemark.com.